like this is crazy to me, literally taking the definition of a term, going "nuh uh", and hoping no one notices
introducing my new law "animal welfare act" that requires killing 60 puppies per hour (i'm using a different definition of animal welfare)
Me when its 1 day after Halloween and the capitalists are already blasting the christmas sale commercials
i don't need tumblr premium because I report every ad I see
'is this ad malicious?' as far as I'm concerned all ads are malicious
when I was a kid I read a sci-fi story where some researcher discovers that all crocodiles since prehistory have had the same congenital heart defect, so they set about curing it. when they do, suddenly their research specimen starts getting stronger and healthier and growing rapidly and developing new appendages, and it turns out all crocodilians were actually stunted sickly forms of dragons. that story really stuck with me because it's basically an expression of the "what if I went to the doctor and they discovered I was deficient in one special vitamin and then I took a pill and all my problems and ailments vanished immediately" fantasy.
unrelated, I started taking daily antihistamines this month for the first time in my life,
ranking the best things I have heard surgeons say mid-surgery:
1. "Five second rule!" while scrubbed, after dropping a sterile scalpel on the floor (no they did NOT pick it up again but I swear everyone's buttholes puckered)
2. (spoken during the closing of a particularly long and difficult case) "Nurse - my tunes." :heavy metal starts blasting:
3. Gently to a fretful patient, pre-anaesthesia: "It's going to be okay. I promise, I've dealt with worse."
As soon as the patient is unconscious: "This is literally the worst thing I've ever seen."
4. [okay this one was a med student] "Wowwww, that's so gross!!"
Reg: "Please remember that [patient] is awake for this procedure."
Student to patient: "Oh my god. I am so sorry, that was really unprofessional - "
Patient, cheerfully, also engrossed with what's happening inside them on the screen: "Nah - it's, like, super gross, right?"
5. [another procedure where the patient couldn't be put under GA] Patient: *starts singing country roads midway through the procedure*
Surgeon: *shrugs and joins in with surprisingly good harmony*
okay okay there's more
6. Elderly surgeon to the anaesthetist who is gossipping with their reg: "I need you to pretend you're in church." [weirdest way to ask people to be quiet, but whatevs]
Anaethetist's new reg with big, horrified eyes: "You mean we should start praying???"
7. Panicking rad tech: "Uhhhh my machine broke. I need to jump on this part and kick it, but I am not paid enough if I break it. Can you - "
Surgeon, casual as: "Yeah, sure."
:violently beats up the C-arm until it starts pumping out those sweet, sweet x-rays:
8. ODP to theatre assistant: "Saw the new tasche earlier. Suits you."
Theatre assistant: "Thanks! it grew on me :)"
Surgeon, pleadingly, within accidental snipping distance of the patient's spinal cord: "Guys, do NOT make me laugh."
OH MY GOD I FORGOT -
9. Surgeon using the electrocauter, leaning over the incision and inhaling deeply: mmmmm, that smell always gets me hungry. I'm having barbeque tonight.
New med student: 👀
and the classique:
Spinal surgeon: hey, that scoli's getting bad. want me to fix it for ya?
Me: I mean. There's a pretty long wait list
Spinal surgeon: yeah but I could do it tonight
Me: that would be very illegal, Jeff
Spinal surgeon: only if they catch me
A Yummy Treat For Me...
A little bit of Procurement for my White Ass...
